Tag Archives: Success

A Journey Alone: Finding Solace in Solitude

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If you conquer yourself, then you will conquer the world. Paulo Coelho, Aleph

Embracing Solitude

We are born alone, we die alone, and throughout our lives, we will often find ourselves alone. One of life’s great joys is to be alone without feeling lonely. When we’re alone, we have the chance to commune with our souls, to quietly open up and unravel what’s inside.

From Loneliness to Self-Acceptance

I often find myself alone due to the nature of my work, which requires a lot of solitary time. At first, I struggled with loneliness. I’d be in a beautiful tented camp with stunning surroundings and luxuries, yet I felt so isolated that I couldn’t enjoy the beauty around me. I would see a perfect dawn or an astounding sunset and feel sadness that no one was there to share it with me. Even while enjoying a wonderful meal, I couldn’t fully appreciate it without someone to share the experience with. To escape the feeling of loneliness, I would fill my time with work, movies, or trivial tasks, anything to keep my mind busy and distracted.

Understanding Loneliness

It took me a while to realize that loneliness is a state of mind. It’s not about where you are or who you’re with; it’s about how you perceive your situation. I’ve found myself in crowded places feeling lonelier than if I were alone in my room. Sometimes, this was due to my own choice to shut people out and isolate myself.

Finding Companionship in Solitude

Conversely, I’ve been completely alone and felt like I had the whole world as my companion. I’ve sat at dawn, watching the daybreak, observing little birds gathering twigs for their nests, ants foraging for food, and trees rustling gently in the wind. In these moments, I became part of the natural world around me, and the solitude felt comforting rather than lonely.

The Inner Pilgrimage

Now, when I am alone, I sometimes embark on an inner journey. Instead of just observing the world around me, I take a pilgrimage into myself. This practice of self-reflection has become a fulfilling way to handle solitude without feeling lonely.

Reflecting on Pilgrimage

Living by the coast, surrounded by a community that frequently discusses pilgrimage to Mecca, I’ve often thought about the concept of pilgrimage. People embark on this journey in search of spiritual enlightenment. Although I respect their reasons and cannot fully understand their experiences, I focus on the individual pilgrimage—the journey within oneself.

We can try to escape everything around us, and even run from ourselves for a time, but eventually, we confront ourselves. Instead of running, I recommend taking time to journey inward, confronting who we are and who we might become. We should reflect on our triumphs and accomplishments, remember the joy and laughter, and celebrate ourselves and the sources of our happiness. We must also acknowledge our failures and losses, allowing ourselves to feel and process our pain, and then forgive ourselves. Recognizing both our weaknesses and strengths is crucial.

Completing the Inner Journey

At the end of this inner pilgrimage, we might feel a mix of gratitude, satisfaction, exhaustion, and even euphoria. We will have completed our journey and can move forward, ready for whatever life has in store. Regularly taking this inner pilgrimage can help us become more content, as we accept ourselves and, consequently, make it easier for others to accept us. This practice helps us conquer ourselves and allows us to be alone without feeling lonely.

If you enjoyed this reflection on solitude and inner journeys, be sure to check out my latest video on the same topic over on my YouTube channel, @thandishaven. In the video, I dive deeper into finding solace in solitude and share personal insights and experiences that weren’t included in this post. Don’t miss it!

And if you’re inspired by the beauty of solitude, you might enjoy reading the classic poem “I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud” by William Wordsworth, which you can find at https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45521/i-wandered-lonely-as-a-cloud

Sacrifice!

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“Let us sacrifice our today so that our children can have a better tomorrow” A.P.J Abdul Kalam

The season of lent is over and the holy weekend of Easter just behind us. All this brings to my mind the issue of sacrifice. Lent: we are supposed to sacrifice (give up) something we hold dear for a month. According to Dictionary.com we are to “abandon a pleasurable habit as an act of devotion and self-discipline”. Sacrifice is defined by the Free Merriam-Webster dictionary as; “the act of giving up something that you want to keep, especially in order to get or do something else or help someone”. Well, considering Christians beliefs and the act that led to Easter, we see the ultimate sacrifice made by God in giving his son Jesus Christ to die on the Cross in order to save mankind from sin. A selfless act indeed!

What about us? Do we live in a selfless or selfish way? Are we governed in our actions to do for gain or for the good of others? Are we living a life where we are always looking within or do we actually make the sacrifice and give of ourselves so that those “without” can benefit? I believe we should be asking ourselves these questions daily. Why am I doing this? What is my ultimate goal in taking this action? What do I hope to gain, or who do I hope will gain? A lot of questions with probably as many answers as there are people in this world.

As a parent it is my belief that I have a good understanding and experience with sacrifice. In “putting in the woman hours” I have many a time chosen to concede to my Angel, in lieu of personal gratification. I have knowingly made many decisions that suited her because in my opinion, when you make a commitment such as becoming a parent, you should be ready to sacrifice. I mean look at the whole process of childbirth from the perspective of a woman: The pregnancy, you give over your body for the pure benefit of the child forming and growing inside of you, you gain weight, suffer discomfort, pain, you are inconvenienced, and can’t sleep, you sometimes even eat stuff you would not ordinarily eat, all for this being inside of you. For nine months you let it take you where it may. Then when it is time, you suffer more pain than you can handle (thank God you cannot revisit that pain after the fact. I don’t think there would be more than one child born to each woman if that was not the case), your body is extended beyond belief, and all for the safe passage of this amazing little being to enter into this world.

Okay so that is my example of sacrifice, and I don’t believe for a second that sacrifice is only made by women and only by the process of carrying and birthing a child. There are many examples and ways people make sacrifices. Its my opinion though, that when one makes a sacrifice then they are looking ahead, looking at the greater good and not at their own personal needs and wants. Even in business in all the books I have been reading lately, the constant message that to succeed in business you should look to do things that benefit others and you have a better chance of success. All around us is the push to look outwardly at what we can do and who we can help and how we can give of ourselves for the benefit of others. Surely the universe is sending us a message? All the people we honour for greatness ,mostly for their self-sacrifice: Mother Theresa, Mahatma Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, and closer home for me, Wangari Maathai; all great people who looked beyond themselves and gave up personal comforts and pleasures for the greater good, willing to die for what they believed in.

Sacrifice: What are you willing to give up? And for who?

Connect A-head!

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“Invisible threads are the strongest ties.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche

One recent evening, I sat at a table at the Tamarind restaurant, overlooking the beautiful creek that surrounds, Mombasa Island.  At night the sight is magical. The entire island comes to life with twinkling lights.   The creek is as calm as a sheet.  If one did not know better they may think the water is a frozen sheet of ice, however we are in Mombasa, in Kenya, the equator etc, so frozen water? Not at all likely, it was very still though, like glass, a mirror for the glistening island of Mombasa, breathtaking! Continue reading →

In out, in about, in out and over!

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Don’t ever be afraid of standing out. Fear fitting in because you can get lost in the crowd, but standing alone you always find yourself. Unknown Quotes

There was a game I remember we used to play.  We used to call it bladder! It was a game played by a minimum of three girls, two girls hold up the bladder (rubber strip that is flexible and is tied to form a loop) the other girl then tries to jump in and out of the bladder, and each turn she is successful the girls raise the bladder making the next time harder. Continue reading →

Groove me!

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“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit”  Aristotle, Ancient Greek philosopher, Teacher, Doctor 384 BC-322 BC

I was having lunch with a friend recently and we were discussing a very interesting topic, actually it’s more like he was schooling me on a concept that I found really interesting.  He had called me earlier that day and he was eating digestive biscuits, he proceeded to tell me that they were his reward to himself. So of course nosy me, I had to know what he was rewarding himself for, I wanted to take the piss out of him, but actually the answer he gave me, really made me think and it made me curious to know more. 

Our subsequent lunch time discussion was about this reward system that he used, he explained that this was not his invention but one that was legitimate and supported by a lot of studies.  He explained that when we learn something new like driving a car, it initially requires that we invest a lot of our mind into making it happen successfully, we are initially painfully aware of the gears, the indicators, all the mirrors and we are probably unable to even carry on a conversation whilst mastering this car driving thing.

After a while and with practice, it becomes commonplace, a habit. The constant practice has made it so that we can drive that car on automatic pilot, without investing too much of our immediate thinking.  We are then able to talk, eat, and listen to music all whilst driving the car.  We have “grooved” the habit of driving the car into our “Basal Ganglia”; the part of our brains that is responsible for a variety of functions like voluntary motor control, procedural learning relating to routine behaviors, what we call habits. Grooving, my friend explained, is like how a tract can have a constant flow of water until it is shaped or “grooved into a canal. In the same way habits are grooved into our “Basal Ganglia”.  I am feeling so scientific right about now, very pleased with myself and excited about this new thing that I am learning!

Anyway after our very exciting discussion, okay I thought it was exciting!   I started thinking about how it is that I can adjust or change bad habits or introduce new habits into my life, and how my friend had mentioned that for a habit to be well “grooved” it needs a reward.  Hmmmm! okay so basically the way I understood this was, if I want to say, make exercise a part of my lifestyle, I begin the exercise and give myself a reward each time I actually get out there and do it.  I like massages and I can decide that this will be my reward for successfully exercising.  After a week of continuous exercising I reward my continuous efforts with a massage.  Something that makes me feel good, as a reward for maintaining the exercise.  Apparently, because there is a reward attached to my exercising, grooving it becomes easy and it becomes a part of my lifestyle; Success!

So right now am wracking my brain trying to see what bad habits I have, I have many trust me! I wonder how I can modify them with just the right reward to ensure success. I am also thinking about what new behaviors I would like to introduce and “groove” into my Basal Ganglia for my personal advancement and growth. This will take a while, but I have begun on this new path towards personal development using rewards.  Sounds so yummy, I am excited! I am buying into and joining “the groove theory” into the Basal Ganglia! Does that not sound like a song or at least a political movement?  I am going to pick a bad habit or find a new one and I am going to try this groove theory.  I will let you know how I fare.  I challenge you to try to chart your own path to personal development!