Tag Archives: Life

Like a Moth to a Flame! Mysteries of Attraction and Connection

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“Attraction is beyond our will or ideas sometimes.” — Juliette Binoche

What is the Attraction?

What is the attraction? Is a person is attractive and hence they attract, and then the object of that a attraction is attracted back? Or is it that a person goes innocently along and bumps into someone, and BOOM! Attraction! Or is it a combination of both things?

The First Encounter

When two people first lay eyes on each other, what happens? Do their souls reach out and touch?   Is it the eyes that simultaneously see and mutually like, propelling them towards each other? What about scents and pheromones, that mix in the wind and begin a dance or romance between two? What do they have to do with attraction?

Feeling Like Old Friends

How do two people meet for the first time, and feel they have known each other for a lifetime?  The coincidences that couples realize as they begin to know each others likes and dislikes in sync. Beginning a dance of life as though they were always lifelong partners, yet the relationship is new?

How do hearts, minds, and souls of strangers intermingle as though they are continuing a romance of time past? How do couples sing perfect duets without hesitation or doubt as though they’ve practiced, and have only just met?

The Universal Pull

The world shows many signs of attraction; gravitational pull—a law of the universe we accept as fact. The way a flower leans out and up towards the gentle warming rays of the sun.  How we are pulled towards a colour or sound or image with no real explanation why we are thus drawn.

The way a moth is drawn to a flame, the closer it gets, the more detrimental the effects. Singed wings and sometimes even death. There is a force that pulls us in a certain direction, even when that direction may prove hazardous to us.

Unreciprocated Attraction

How do we reconcile attraction that makes us feel so strongly about a person.  Even one who does not reciprocate our feelings.  Worse still, they once did but dpn’t anymore?  What makes a woman attractive to one or several men, yet to another man, she is not appealing or attractive?

In my own experience, I have had men attracted to me whom I felt nothing for.  I have also been attracted to men, to whom I could have been a lump on a log.

The Fizzling Flame

How is it two people have an attraction for each other, mutual, volatile, and exciting!  Within no time, the flames have waned completely, and the cinders left could not fuel a new fire . What happens then? Maybe this attraction is of the body and not the mind? Lust?  Once that attraction is sated, there is nothing left to hold on to.  In this case, attraction is a means to an end, once the “end” is accomplished, the means (attraction) no longer exists. 

Embracing Attraction

I am probably overthinking this whole thing.   Attraction should be enjoyed or lamented as needed without a whole lot of dissection. I love to be attracted; it makes me feel vibrant and alive!  When it is not reciprocated or the intentions are not the same, it can leave me feeling wretched, like a moth singed by the flames!

I think that we are attractive and attracted beings. We should live life embracing attraction, if it comes our way, till we find a kindred spirit. One who resonates with our souls. Then we hold on and dance until the music stops. If it ends or changes, as attraction inevitably does, we reflect.  We cherish the memories it brought, appreciate the lessons learned, and find gratitude in the opportunity given us.

We sort out our memories and archive them into what to repeat, and what to avoid the next time.   As the Earth rotates on its axis and there is gravitational pull, attraction will always be a part of our lives. It will always return to us, giving us another chance.

The question is: Are we ready and willing for attraction, when it comes back around? Are we ready to embrace it, own it? Always moving towards it like a moth to a flame? Even when it singes our wings. I know I am! Be brave and embrace attraction; it is a part of who we are and what makes life worth living!

A Journey Alone: Finding Solace in Solitude

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If you conquer yourself, then you will conquer the world. Paulo Coelho, Aleph

Embracing Solitude

We are born alone, we die alone, and throughout our lives, we will often find ourselves alone. One of life’s great joys is to be alone without feeling lonely. When we’re alone, we have the chance to commune with our souls, to quietly open up and unravel what’s inside.

From Loneliness to Self-Acceptance

I often find myself alone due to the nature of my work, which requires a lot of solitary time. At first, I struggled with loneliness. I’d be in a beautiful tented camp with stunning surroundings and luxuries, yet I felt so isolated that I couldn’t enjoy the beauty around me. I would see a perfect dawn or an astounding sunset and feel sadness that no one was there to share it with me. Even while enjoying a wonderful meal, I couldn’t fully appreciate it without someone to share the experience with. To escape the feeling of loneliness, I would fill my time with work, movies, or trivial tasks, anything to keep my mind busy and distracted.

Understanding Loneliness

It took me a while to realize that loneliness is a state of mind. It’s not about where you are or who you’re with; it’s about how you perceive your situation. I’ve found myself in crowded places feeling lonelier than if I were alone in my room. Sometimes, this was due to my own choice to shut people out and isolate myself.

Finding Companionship in Solitude

Conversely, I’ve been completely alone and felt like I had the whole world as my companion. I’ve sat at dawn, watching the daybreak, observing little birds gathering twigs for their nests, ants foraging for food, and trees rustling gently in the wind. In these moments, I became part of the natural world around me, and the solitude felt comforting rather than lonely.

The Inner Pilgrimage

Now, when I am alone, I sometimes embark on an inner journey. Instead of just observing the world around me, I take a pilgrimage into myself. This practice of self-reflection has become a fulfilling way to handle solitude without feeling lonely.

Reflecting on Pilgrimage

Living by the coast, surrounded by a community that frequently discusses pilgrimage to Mecca, I’ve often thought about the concept of pilgrimage. People embark on this journey in search of spiritual enlightenment. Although I respect their reasons and cannot fully understand their experiences, I focus on the individual pilgrimage—the journey within oneself.

We can try to escape everything around us, and even run from ourselves for a time, but eventually, we confront ourselves. Instead of running, I recommend taking time to journey inward, confronting who we are and who we might become. We should reflect on our triumphs and accomplishments, remember the joy and laughter, and celebrate ourselves and the sources of our happiness. We must also acknowledge our failures and losses, allowing ourselves to feel and process our pain, and then forgive ourselves. Recognizing both our weaknesses and strengths is crucial.

Completing the Inner Journey

At the end of this inner pilgrimage, we might feel a mix of gratitude, satisfaction, exhaustion, and even euphoria. We will have completed our journey and can move forward, ready for whatever life has in store. Regularly taking this inner pilgrimage can help us become more content, as we accept ourselves and, consequently, make it easier for others to accept us. This practice helps us conquer ourselves and allows us to be alone without feeling lonely.

If you enjoyed this reflection on solitude and inner journeys, be sure to check out my latest video on the same topic over on my YouTube channel, @thandishaven. In the video, I dive deeper into finding solace in solitude and share personal insights and experiences that weren’t included in this post. Don’t miss it!

And if you’re inspired by the beauty of solitude, you might enjoy reading the classic poem “I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud” by William Wordsworth, which you can find at https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45521/i-wandered-lonely-as-a-cloud

Life’s Lessons from Parrot Fish and Pirahnas?

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“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Introduction: The Journey of Life and Lessons

Life is a series of lessons—a journey of experiences, as a wise friend once said. They didn’t label these experiences as good or bad; they simply called them what they are: moments to learn from. The way we handle these situations, both in real-time and in hindsight, shapes us.

A forward-thinking person sees each encounter as an opportunity to learn something valuable for the future. When faced with a similar challenge, they can dip into their past experiences to either sidestep familiar pitfalls or embrace a positive opportunity with confidence.

But how often do we truly reflect on these experiences?  It’s easy to breeze past life’s events without pausing to consider what we’ve learned. Yet, it’s in the quiet moments of reflection where growth happens—where we can separate what we know to just reacting so something unknown.

Identifying Different “Fish”: The Power of Perspective

“Looks like a fish, acts like a fish—it’s a fish!” Seems straightforward, right? Well, not quite.

This type of thinking oversimplifies things, missing the nuances.  Let’s break it down: A Parrotfish and a Goldfish are indeed fish.  But so are a Piranha and a Pufferfish.  The implications of encountering each one, however, are wildly different.  A Parrotfish is vibrant and harmless, a creature to admire, while a Piranha… let’s just say that’s a fish you’d want to steer clear of—fast!  Both are fish, but the experience of meeting one versus the other couldn’t be more distinct.

I believe that the same principle applies in life. We often meet people or face situations that, on the surface, seem similar.  But dig a little deeper, and you’ll notice the differences that matter.  Not every friendly smile means well, and not every obstacle is there to hinder you. Recognizing these subtleties can be the difference between thriving and merely surviving.

Shouldn’t we, then, be more mindful of the types of “fish” we encounter in life? It’s important to recognize their unique traits rather than lumping them into the same category. Let’s stop assuming that if something swims like a fish and looks like a fish, it’s just a fish. Each type of fish deserves its own recognition for what it truly is.

One of life’s biggest challenges is resisting the urge to generalize. It’s easy to categorize people, situations, or even opportunities based on superficial traits or past experiences. However, true wisdom lies in the ability to see things for what they really are, not what they seem to be at first glance.

Applying the Lessons: Distinguishing and Adapting

Reflecting on my personal journey, I’ve managed to distinguish a “fish” from, say, an “elephant”—or even closer, between a “fish” and a “lobster.” Still, I’ve fallen into the trap of generalization from time to time.  Yes, I’ve mistaken a Piranha for a Parrotfish before. Fortunately, I escaped those encounters  with minimal scars, and I believe, in retrospect, I emerged  a little wiser each time.

Learning to identify the Piranhas in life—those people or situations that may cause harm—is crucial. But so is recognizing the Parrotfish, those positive opportunities might be overlooked if we’re too focused on avoiding danger. It’s all about balance, keen observation.

So, what’s the lesson here?

  • Never underestimate anything or anyone: Life has a way of surprising us, and even the smallest interactions can carry weight.
  • Avoid sweeping generalizations: Each experience, person, or opportunity is unique and deserves careful consideration.
  • Draw on your past experiences: Your memory bank is a treasure trove of valuable insights that can guide your future decisions.
  • Stay adaptable in a constantly evolving world: Life is dynamic. The ability to learn and unlearn is key to thriving.

Conclusion: Living Life with Passion and Awareness

Life is short, and we should live it with passion and enthusiasm. But let’s also approach it with caution and respect for others, always eager to bank new experiences for future encounters with Parrotfish—or Piranhas.

It’s the accumulation of these experiences that helps us navigate the complexities of life with grace, resilience, and wisdom. Whether you’re faced with a harmless fish or a lurking predator, remember that every encounter teaches you something—if you’re willing to listen.

Want to see more? Watch my video on the Lamu Cultural Festival on my YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/@thandishaven

We are not there!

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“Wherever you are, make sure you’re there.” — Dan Sullivan

Life is about living! I don’t mean the sort of living that puts us on a mindless path of other peoples’ dreams and expectations of us. I mean feeling, sensing, touching, smelling every minute of every hour of every day.  We need to stop and take stock of what is right here in front of us now.  Appreciate who and what we are now, in the present. Let us not focus on who we were, that’s gone, or who we are going to be, that is yet to come.

Both past and future timelines are valid. One lends to the experiences we have gone through and lessons we have learned.  The other, to the hope of who we can become, and to a better version of ourselves tomorrow.

What about now, who we are now, how we are now, what we are now? When I look at the mirror, who do I see? When I look around me now, what do I witness of life, keeping in mind that it is as much a part of me as I am of it?

As I continue my journey of self-discovery, I am more aware of my surroundings; Less concerned of what others think of me.  The new me is in awe of the beauty I witness all around me; the little flower growing a few feet from me, glistening in the morning sunshine.   The chuckle that comes, watching the Male Agama lizards, in their vibrant hues of blue and orange, chasing after the seemingly unwilling female Agama’s, bedecked in green with red spots glittering like rubies on their backs. One chases, the other runs.   I love how the males are so determined to catch and how the females pretend to resist each time, ducking and weaving away, smaller and more agile.

This is not about lizards, nor about flowers, or maybe it is.   Maybe it is about stopping in these “busy” lives we lead, to just take to take a look around us. To stop and marvel at all the wonderful creations that are within inches of us and how they interact.   Things we look at every day, yet take for granted and never really see. Not because they are not there, but we are not present. we are not there! 

We are rushing from here to there, not accomplishing much.   We need to look like we are busy.  That we look focused and motivated.  All the while caring more about how others percieve us in our “busy”.  Trying desperately to be relevant in the eyes of those who behold us.  Never caring how much this “busy” is costing us. Sad.

What we should be doing is slowing down, oftentimes stopping completely.  This world is moving way too fast.   Seconds, minutes, hours, even days all melded into one. We all know that time is a finite commodity, yet rushing does not make it have more value. On the contrary rushing through life increases the scarcity of time.  We rush past it, too busy to notice, then wonder at the end, where it all went.  Tragically, we wonder what we did with the time we had.  There are few memories to show, when we rush around being busy all the time, and sadly few worthy of  mention.  

It is time to take a moment to stop and look around.   Find something beautiful in what is within us, around us.  This is akin to stopping time or at least freezing it for a moment. Time to collect a memory to etch in our minds, like a picture that never fades.   An interactive 3D image of a moment in our lives. One that we can always reach for , and  bring back to look at again and again.

I can remember when I sat in my balcony, that morning when the Agamas’ were at play and the sun was shining. The wind was rustling through the leaves of the palm trees up above.   I could hear the sounds of the numerous birds and I could even hear the sound of the waves crashing against not so distant the shore.

I watched squirrels at play, saw the plants, flowers and other greenery swaying in the wind. The sun shining, making the dewdrops shimmer on the blades of grass.   What a beautiful morning it was, so full of promise.  This memory my reward for slowing down that morning and watching, listening, paying attention, being present.  My gift for being present etched in my mind forever.   Available for me to reach into and see again, in my melancholy to remind me of that wonderful moment in time.

We plan and we dream and attempt to forecast a future.  This, in my opinion, is a bit unrealistic.   We have no real control of how tomorrow will unravel itself. We can only hope that what we plan comes to be.

Therefore, if I have no control of what tomorrow will bring, then at least let me be sure about today.  Let me be sure about now, be sure about what I am experiencing in this moment.  That way, even if tomorrow does not play out as I had expected, and things to not go do as planned.  Then, at the very least, I have the memories of now.   I have today and can save it in my memory banks, to review to my heart’s content later. I can be present, I can actually say that I lived, I was there!

The Journey Continues……..

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Ever Tried.  Ever Failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail Again. Fail Better! Samuel Beckett

It’s been a while, a long while;  I guess this is what is called taking a hiatus from writing.  I am not sure what brought it on, but there it was,  I stopped writing regularly and posting in the blog, and looking back I think it is a shame.  I used to enjoy the dialogue with friends old and new from around the world, friends who would read the blog on a weekly basis and comment. I felt honored words I wrote would inspire people and make them feel good. Then it all stopped, the drive I felt to write remained but to write for the public domain did not.  Not until now. Continue reading →

A Leap of Faith!

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“By leaving your comfort zone behind and taking a leap of faith into something new, you find out who are truly capable of becoming”

Unknown quotes

I have a friend, one who is so vivacious in her speech that when she speaks her words turn into a kaleidoscope of colors and images.  She can in a sentence transport you to where she is describing as though you were in a 3-D movie set, watching the movie happening around you. Continue reading →

Music in my Head!

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Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. Victor Hugo

I want to talk about sound, about music.   I want to talk to you about all the times that music has said for us what we cannot say.  I believe that songs have been written to express every emotion on this earth, well maybe not all emotions, but very near it.  Continue reading →