Tag Archives: Happiness

Mteja Hataki Kupatikana!(The Subscriber Does Not Want to Be Found!)

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The Need for Change: Finding Your Sanctuary

I was speaking to a staff member where I work, who was tentatively requesting a transfer from one of our properties to another. He was cautious because he didn’t want his request to seem like a negative reflection on his current location. He simply felt he needed a change. “A change is as good as a rest.” How often do you hear that these days?

Escaping the Information Overload

The world is busier than ever. We’re constantly bombarded with more to deal with, think about, and do. Or do we bombard ourselves? The flow of information today is astounding—social media, Facebook, Twitter, and more traditional media like radio and television. Many of us can’t seem to survive a moment without it; it’s everywhere—in our phones, tablets, and computers. This endless stream of information can sometimes lead to overload.

Embracing Blissful Memories

I’m fortunate in my line of work to find myself in places where there’s no network, making the internet and phone service unreliable. There are no TVs or radios either. It’s a rare and refreshing break from constant bombardment. The effort required to get a phone signal—often involving balancing on a tree branch—rarely seems worth it. These moments of disconnection allow my soul to rest.

We all need a “little piece of heaven”—a place to take a break and make a change, even if only for a short while. This place doesn’t have to be physical; it can be a mental escape. Pick a blissful memory, one that makes you feel warm inside and smile like a Cheshire cat. Immerse yourself in that memory and enjoy it. When you return to the everyday world, you’ll find yourself feeling better.

Recognizing Everyday Joy

Look around and take stock of the good in your life. There’s a lot of happiness and light around us, but we might be too busy to notice or have forgotten to recognize it. Make an effort to find and appreciate these moments. You’ll discover that joy has been available all along, even in times of stress.

Simplifying Your Life for Peace

Finally, be mindful of how much of the outside world you absorb and its impact on your psyche. The saying “ignorance is bliss” has some truth here. Simplify your life by focusing on the essentials and avoiding information overload. Embrace the beauty around you and enjoy the peace it offers.


If this resonates with you, and you’re seeking more ways to find peace and sanctuary in a busy world, check out my latest pieces on  https://medium.com/@wtikua  There, I dive deeper into these themes, sharing more personal stories and insights. Don’t forget to follow me for weekly updates on living a more mindful and simplified life!

A Journey Alone: Finding Solace in Solitude

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If you conquer yourself, then you will conquer the world. Paulo Coelho, Aleph

Embracing Solitude

We are born alone, we die alone, and throughout our lives, we will often find ourselves alone. One of life’s great joys is to be alone without feeling lonely. When we’re alone, we have the chance to commune with our souls, to quietly open up and unravel what’s inside.

From Loneliness to Self-Acceptance

I often find myself alone due to the nature of my work, which requires a lot of solitary time. At first, I struggled with loneliness. I’d be in a beautiful tented camp with stunning surroundings and luxuries, yet I felt so isolated that I couldn’t enjoy the beauty around me. I would see a perfect dawn or an astounding sunset and feel sadness that no one was there to share it with me. Even while enjoying a wonderful meal, I couldn’t fully appreciate it without someone to share the experience with. To escape the feeling of loneliness, I would fill my time with work, movies, or trivial tasks, anything to keep my mind busy and distracted.

Understanding Loneliness

It took me a while to realize that loneliness is a state of mind. It’s not about where you are or who you’re with; it’s about how you perceive your situation. I’ve found myself in crowded places feeling lonelier than if I were alone in my room. Sometimes, this was due to my own choice to shut people out and isolate myself.

Finding Companionship in Solitude

Conversely, I’ve been completely alone and felt like I had the whole world as my companion. I’ve sat at dawn, watching the daybreak, observing little birds gathering twigs for their nests, ants foraging for food, and trees rustling gently in the wind. In these moments, I became part of the natural world around me, and the solitude felt comforting rather than lonely.

The Inner Pilgrimage

Now, when I am alone, I sometimes embark on an inner journey. Instead of just observing the world around me, I take a pilgrimage into myself. This practice of self-reflection has become a fulfilling way to handle solitude without feeling lonely.

Reflecting on Pilgrimage

Living by the coast, surrounded by a community that frequently discusses pilgrimage to Mecca, I’ve often thought about the concept of pilgrimage. People embark on this journey in search of spiritual enlightenment. Although I respect their reasons and cannot fully understand their experiences, I focus on the individual pilgrimage—the journey within oneself.

We can try to escape everything around us, and even run from ourselves for a time, but eventually, we confront ourselves. Instead of running, I recommend taking time to journey inward, confronting who we are and who we might become. We should reflect on our triumphs and accomplishments, remember the joy and laughter, and celebrate ourselves and the sources of our happiness. We must also acknowledge our failures and losses, allowing ourselves to feel and process our pain, and then forgive ourselves. Recognizing both our weaknesses and strengths is crucial.

Completing the Inner Journey

At the end of this inner pilgrimage, we might feel a mix of gratitude, satisfaction, exhaustion, and even euphoria. We will have completed our journey and can move forward, ready for whatever life has in store. Regularly taking this inner pilgrimage can help us become more content, as we accept ourselves and, consequently, make it easier for others to accept us. This practice helps us conquer ourselves and allows us to be alone without feeling lonely.

If you enjoyed this reflection on solitude and inner journeys, be sure to check out my latest video on the same topic over on my YouTube channel, @thandishaven. In the video, I dive deeper into finding solace in solitude and share personal insights and experiences that weren’t included in this post. Don’t miss it!

And if you’re inspired by the beauty of solitude, you might enjoy reading the classic poem “I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud” by William Wordsworth, which you can find at https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45521/i-wandered-lonely-as-a-cloud

Again and again and again, I begin……

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“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.”
– Samuel Beckett

So after taking a hiatus for several years, I have decided to restart my inspirational writings again.  It’s not that I stopped writing, quite the contrary, I just stopped posting pieces in my blog, but I have decided to start yet again, continuing a journey I begun as a child, writing that is, and posting online, which I began 2010? One should never give up, and the journey is never over, it changes trajectory, even complete direction, the momentum slows down, almost to a complete stop, but the journey is never over, never.  Even when one passes on, hopefully, they leave a legacy and so the journey continues.  No am not passing on, not right now anyway, am just saying, my journey, my most recent trajectory continues.

So with that, I feel I have grown a great deal as a person.  My angel went off to do her IB diploma and chose to do it in Costa Rica!  I think she wanted to distance herself from me, and I don’t blame her, I did tend to smother her, single child of a single parent and all that.  Her departure did what it was intended to do, besides her academic progress, she learned further how to be independent, and how to live with people from around the world.  She also got a chance to come out of my shadow and my way of doing things and see a different perspective.  She found her voice, and though I am biased, I like it a lot.  She is growing into an amazing young woman and I am very proud.

In her absence, and what an absence it was, I was forced to regroup and reorganize and after 17 years of focusing on her.  August 2018, I was forcibly thrust into a situation where I had to rethink of my existence and my reason for being.  Something I would not have willingly done unless something drastic happened.  Well UWC Costa Rica happened!  And what a happening, firstly it took me holding on to status quo for an additional 8 months, I kept everything intact, even her room, as though she was coming back to that house and that room and nothing had changed.  We lie to ourselves to make the transition easier, at least that is what we say.  Ha! The joke was on me! Everything had changed, she was never coming back to the way things were before August 2018.  Even if she came back, she would be a different person and the way we engaged would be different.  

It took her birthday, 17 years and the first time that I was not physically with her.  To simplify it I felt like shit! Like a failure, like all that I had done, all the education, work experience, all of my life to this point was not good enough to allow me financially or practically to be with my angel on her birthday, that far away.  I called, feeling such guilt at having failed her, only to be shut down with the fact that since she was that far away (9 hours behind away) that her birthday was the next day and I should wait to wish her a happy birthday then.  Needless to say, it went south from there.  When I did try to call her the next day, she was not available, too busy enjoying her birthday with her new friends in her new environment.  Children can be so cruel!

Then it dawned on me! She has moved on and she is well and along her way to becoming everything I wished for her.  Independent and well adjusted!  I was the one who had not made the transition and was still hanging on to her coattails for a sense of belonging.  Not knowing who I was now and which direction I was headed and terrified at a future that looked so different for the past that I was accustomed to.

I needed to find me, to rediscover me and who I want to be today and tomorrow.  Life on my terms now not determined by others.  Life as I would like it to become.  I am taking the time to get to know myself now and making whatever adjustments I need to make in areas I feel are wanting.  Taking responsibility for my happiness, defining myself on my terms! I am excited!

Keeping up with the Joneses

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As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. John F. Kennedy

Gratitude: according to definition, this is the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.  The origin of the word is Latin Gratus which means to be pleasing, thankful. Interestingly enough in my little research I discovered that the word has been used less and less through the years from 1800’s to 2010. What does that mean, are we less grateful now, or do we just use other words to describe the same thing? Go figure.

I break down the word to great and attitude, though as shown above this is not the true meaning of the word, I think to have gratitude, one must have a great attitude so it is fitting right? My understanding of the word is to be thankful of one’s situation and plight, to pay attention to what you are and have and not to dwell on what you lack.

This brings to mind a saying I heard a lot while growing up “keeping up with the Joneses”, meaning always striving to be more or better than your neighbour.  Unfortunately this is the way that many of us are choosing to live today; some of us are so busy competing with the neighbour, attempting to acquire what the neighbour has, living the life that our neighbour lives, that we lose sight of who we truly are and what we already have.  I don’t believe that it is possible to be happy in a life of “keeping up” because the Jones’s make their decisions based on their own values, what they love, what they are capable of, whilst those “keeping up”  are there making the decisions so as not to be left behind and seem less than the Jones’s.  The choices made; to buy a new car, acquire a new house or take a vacation are not truly governed by your own internal desires and choice, therefore after you have acquired all that enables you to believe you are equal or even superior to the Jones’s  you will find that you will not enjoy it.  You are left empty trying to live someone else’s life and attempting to attain someone else’s dreams; completely unfulfilling to you.  Bringing me to wonder, when you are so busy “keeping up with the Joneses” who is living your life? Fulfilling your destiny? What a sad state of existence.

Having gratitude is about accepting your situation and being thankful for all that you have, this does not mean complacency nor is it to encourage you to wallow in mediocrity, no, it is  in my opinion more about looking around you, taking stock of who you are and what have accomplished and appreciating that.  No matter how little it is, consider it a step towards fulfilling your destiny.  It should serve as encouragement for you to forge ahead, irrespective of challenges you face.  This is your springboard to the next level.  Once you appreciate what you have in the present, then you can make plans to achieve more and better in the future.  This should not be motivated by competition with neighbours or by others perception of how you choose to live your life.  It should be done in keeping with your individual values and drive. Always follow your passions towards your destiny; ensure those passions are in sync with your psyche and feel good in your soul.

Gratitude means we can achieve all the blessings bestowed upon each of us, another step to happiness.  We all have reasons to be grateful and we should embrace those reasons so as to attract more towards us.  If we do not know how to appreciate what we have, do we really know who we are and where we are going?

“I believe I …………..”

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“Only in quiet waters, things mirror themselves undistorted.  Only in a quiet mind is adequate perception of the world.” Hans Margolius, quoted in A Toolbox for Humanity

In the process of discussions with friends and general experiences, I have come to the conclusion that you define your life by your perception of it. In other words, I will react to the world in the way that I see the world and my place in it. Continue reading →

Groove me!

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“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit”  Aristotle, Ancient Greek philosopher, Teacher, Doctor 384 BC-322 BC

I was having lunch with a friend recently and we were discussing a very interesting topic, actually it’s more like he was schooling me on a concept that I found really interesting.  He had called me earlier that day and he was eating digestive biscuits, he proceeded to tell me that they were his reward to himself. So of course nosy me, I had to know what he was rewarding himself for, I wanted to take the piss out of him, but actually the answer he gave me, really made me think and it made me curious to know more. 

Our subsequent lunch time discussion was about this reward system that he used, he explained that this was not his invention but one that was legitimate and supported by a lot of studies.  He explained that when we learn something new like driving a car, it initially requires that we invest a lot of our mind into making it happen successfully, we are initially painfully aware of the gears, the indicators, all the mirrors and we are probably unable to even carry on a conversation whilst mastering this car driving thing.

After a while and with practice, it becomes commonplace, a habit. The constant practice has made it so that we can drive that car on automatic pilot, without investing too much of our immediate thinking.  We are then able to talk, eat, and listen to music all whilst driving the car.  We have “grooved” the habit of driving the car into our “Basal Ganglia”; the part of our brains that is responsible for a variety of functions like voluntary motor control, procedural learning relating to routine behaviors, what we call habits. Grooving, my friend explained, is like how a tract can have a constant flow of water until it is shaped or “grooved into a canal. In the same way habits are grooved into our “Basal Ganglia”.  I am feeling so scientific right about now, very pleased with myself and excited about this new thing that I am learning!

Anyway after our very exciting discussion, okay I thought it was exciting!   I started thinking about how it is that I can adjust or change bad habits or introduce new habits into my life, and how my friend had mentioned that for a habit to be well “grooved” it needs a reward.  Hmmmm! okay so basically the way I understood this was, if I want to say, make exercise a part of my lifestyle, I begin the exercise and give myself a reward each time I actually get out there and do it.  I like massages and I can decide that this will be my reward for successfully exercising.  After a week of continuous exercising I reward my continuous efforts with a massage.  Something that makes me feel good, as a reward for maintaining the exercise.  Apparently, because there is a reward attached to my exercising, grooving it becomes easy and it becomes a part of my lifestyle; Success!

So right now am wracking my brain trying to see what bad habits I have, I have many trust me! I wonder how I can modify them with just the right reward to ensure success. I am also thinking about what new behaviors I would like to introduce and “groove” into my Basal Ganglia for my personal advancement and growth. This will take a while, but I have begun on this new path towards personal development using rewards.  Sounds so yummy, I am excited! I am buying into and joining “the groove theory” into the Basal Ganglia! Does that not sound like a song or at least a political movement?  I am going to pick a bad habit or find a new one and I am going to try this groove theory.  I will let you know how I fare.  I challenge you to try to chart your own path to personal development!

“Don’t worry be happy” *

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“No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change”.  Barbara De Angelis

What is happiness? “Happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.” This is according to Wikipedia.

How many times in life does someone ask you “are you happy?”  Who or what defines your happiness?  Taking a glimpse within, I must admit there was a time in my life when I thought and believed that my partner defined my happiness, he was responsible for ensuring that I was content and experienced that intense joy, after all he loved me right? So he should ensure that the person he loves was happy!

 Back in those dark ages, when I had little enlightenment about this thing happiness and knew less about myself, one of the ways I wanted my partner to signify without a doubt that he loved me was by buying me flowers. I felt that if he loved me and knew how much I liked flowers, then he would surely want to make me happy and buy me flowers.  I waited and waited and waited, for flowers that were not forthcoming, he bought me other things and in his own way showed me he cared, but he did not buy me flowers and I was not complete, I still needed this symbol of his love and I really did like flowers so much, still do.

Many years later I would go out, see a lovely bouquet of flowers and dare to buy them myself.  I would bring them home or to the office, put them in a vase with water and I would love them, they would make me happy! They would give me that intense joy! What a surprise! So it is the flowers that made me happy, who bought them was not important! What an epiphany for me! What power I had returned to myself! This being one example of many, I learned quickly that ultimately, I was responsible for my happiness.  I decided whether I was happy or not, people or things around me could not make that decision for me, unless I gave them the power.

Now I know that though surrounding myself with positive people and attracting positive energy lends in my happiness, yet those around me can only take away my happiness if I let them.  They may try to create misery, and unfortunately in life, many succeed.  However, I have the power to decide how I will allow people to affect me.  I decide who I surround myself with and if they do not make me feel good inside my soul and they don’t add value to my life, then I have to be strong enough to make the decision to sever ties, even though at times it means remaining alone.

Many things make me happy, life, the laughter of a child, the dawning of the day with the warming rays of the sun, the pitter patter of raindrops against my window pane, the light breeze over the ocean as the sun sets and the day draws to a close.  The sound of music (no pun intended, I do like the movie as well), the smell of pastries right out of the oven, the sight of my angel, sleeping, smiling, being pensive or concentrating, my angel period, a great source of happiness for me.  A rainbow in the distance, I still love cut flowers (hint, hint J), a good book, my friends:, their love, support and all the moments we LOL* together! I could go on forever, and for that I am grateful. I have so much that makes me happy,  and thank God that I am enlightened enough and know myself well enough to be able to recognize happiness and differentiate it with that  which has the opposite effect.

The world is full of sadness and misery, every time we look around we see something that just depresses us and makes us feel bad.  But the world also has so much good, beauty and joy. We need it all, it is imperative that we find individual ways to be happy. I believe that happiness will give us hope and make everything else palatable.  If we live with anger, sorrow and despair, then we do not live.   We crush our hopes and diminish our souls, our possibilities to be greater, better, wiser people.  On the contrary,  if we can make the choice to be happy, look for and find that happiness around us, then we can continue to feed our souls with hope and inspiration and be able to take the next positive step into our future!  You have the power make the change, use it, make the decision to be happy!

*Bobby McFerrin 1988

Music in my Head!

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Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. Victor Hugo

I want to talk about sound, about music.   I want to talk to you about all the times that music has said for us what we cannot say.  I believe that songs have been written to express every emotion on this earth, well maybe not all emotions, but very near it.  Continue reading →