Like a Moth to a Flame! Mysteries of Attraction and Connection

Featured

“Attraction is beyond our will or ideas sometimes.” — Juliette Binoche

What is the Attraction?

What is the attraction? Is a person is attractive and hence they attract, and then the object of that a attraction is attracted back? Or is it that a person goes innocently along and bumps into someone, and BOOM! Attraction! Or is it a combination of both things?

The First Encounter

When two people first lay eyes on each other, what happens? Do their souls reach out and touch?   Is it the eyes that simultaneously see and mutually like, propelling them towards each other? What about scents and pheromones, that mix in the wind and begin a dance or romance between two? What do they have to do with attraction?

Feeling Like Old Friends

How do two people meet for the first time, and feel they have known each other for a lifetime?  The coincidences that couples realize as they begin to know each others likes and dislikes in sync. Beginning a dance of life as though they were always lifelong partners, yet the relationship is new?

How do hearts, minds, and souls of strangers intermingle as though they are continuing a romance of time past? How do couples sing perfect duets without hesitation or doubt as though they’ve practiced, and have only just met?

The Universal Pull

The world shows many signs of attraction; gravitational pull—a law of the universe we accept as fact. The way a flower leans out and up towards the gentle warming rays of the sun.  How we are pulled towards a colour or sound or image with no real explanation why we are thus drawn.

The way a moth is drawn to a flame, the closer it gets, the more detrimental the effects. Singed wings and sometimes even death. There is a force that pulls us in a certain direction, even when that direction may prove hazardous to us.

Unreciprocated Attraction

How do we reconcile attraction that makes us feel so strongly about a person.  Even one who does not reciprocate our feelings.  Worse still, they once did but dpn’t anymore?  What makes a woman attractive to one or several men, yet to another man, she is not appealing or attractive?

In my own experience, I have had men attracted to me whom I felt nothing for.  I have also been attracted to men, to whom I could have been a lump on a log.

The Fizzling Flame

How is it two people have an attraction for each other, mutual, volatile, and exciting!  Within no time, the flames have waned completely, and the cinders left could not fuel a new fire . What happens then? Maybe this attraction is of the body and not the mind? Lust?  Once that attraction is sated, there is nothing left to hold on to.  In this case, attraction is a means to an end, once the “end” is accomplished, the means (attraction) no longer exists. 

Embracing Attraction

I am probably overthinking this whole thing.   Attraction should be enjoyed or lamented as needed without a whole lot of dissection. I love to be attracted; it makes me feel vibrant and alive!  When it is not reciprocated or the intentions are not the same, it can leave me feeling wretched, like a moth singed by the flames!

I think that we are attractive and attracted beings. We should live life embracing attraction, if it comes our way, till we find a kindred spirit. One who resonates with our souls. Then we hold on and dance until the music stops. If it ends or changes, as attraction inevitably does, we reflect.  We cherish the memories it brought, appreciate the lessons learned, and find gratitude in the opportunity given us.

We sort out our memories and archive them into what to repeat, and what to avoid the next time.   As the Earth rotates on its axis and there is gravitational pull, attraction will always be a part of our lives. It will always return to us, giving us another chance.

The question is: Are we ready and willing for attraction, when it comes back around? Are we ready to embrace it, own it? Always moving towards it like a moth to a flame? Even when it singes our wings. I know I am! Be brave and embrace attraction; it is a part of who we are and what makes life worth living!

Life’s Lessons from Parrot Fish and Pirahnas?

Featured

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Introduction: The Journey of Life and Lessons

Life is a series of lessons—a journey of experiences, as a wise friend once said. They didn’t label these experiences as good or bad; they simply called them what they are: moments to learn from. The way we handle these situations, both in real-time and in hindsight, shapes us.

A forward-thinking person sees each encounter as an opportunity to learn something valuable for the future. When faced with a similar challenge, they can dip into their past experiences to either sidestep familiar pitfalls or embrace a positive opportunity with confidence.

But how often do we truly reflect on these experiences?  It’s easy to breeze past life’s events without pausing to consider what we’ve learned. Yet, it’s in the quiet moments of reflection where growth happens—where we can separate what we know to just reacting so something unknown.

Identifying Different “Fish”: The Power of Perspective

“Looks like a fish, acts like a fish—it’s a fish!” Seems straightforward, right? Well, not quite.

This type of thinking oversimplifies things, missing the nuances.  Let’s break it down: A Parrotfish and a Goldfish are indeed fish.  But so are a Piranha and a Pufferfish.  The implications of encountering each one, however, are wildly different.  A Parrotfish is vibrant and harmless, a creature to admire, while a Piranha… let’s just say that’s a fish you’d want to steer clear of—fast!  Both are fish, but the experience of meeting one versus the other couldn’t be more distinct.

I believe that the same principle applies in life. We often meet people or face situations that, on the surface, seem similar.  But dig a little deeper, and you’ll notice the differences that matter.  Not every friendly smile means well, and not every obstacle is there to hinder you. Recognizing these subtleties can be the difference between thriving and merely surviving.

Shouldn’t we, then, be more mindful of the types of “fish” we encounter in life? It’s important to recognize their unique traits rather than lumping them into the same category. Let’s stop assuming that if something swims like a fish and looks like a fish, it’s just a fish. Each type of fish deserves its own recognition for what it truly is.

One of life’s biggest challenges is resisting the urge to generalize. It’s easy to categorize people, situations, or even opportunities based on superficial traits or past experiences. However, true wisdom lies in the ability to see things for what they really are, not what they seem to be at first glance.

Applying the Lessons: Distinguishing and Adapting

Reflecting on my personal journey, I’ve managed to distinguish a “fish” from, say, an “elephant”—or even closer, between a “fish” and a “lobster.” Still, I’ve fallen into the trap of generalization from time to time.  Yes, I’ve mistaken a Piranha for a Parrotfish before. Fortunately, I escaped those encounters  with minimal scars, and I believe, in retrospect, I emerged  a little wiser each time.

Learning to identify the Piranhas in life—those people or situations that may cause harm—is crucial. But so is recognizing the Parrotfish, those positive opportunities might be overlooked if we’re too focused on avoiding danger. It’s all about balance, keen observation.

So, what’s the lesson here?

  • Never underestimate anything or anyone: Life has a way of surprising us, and even the smallest interactions can carry weight.
  • Avoid sweeping generalizations: Each experience, person, or opportunity is unique and deserves careful consideration.
  • Draw on your past experiences: Your memory bank is a treasure trove of valuable insights that can guide your future decisions.
  • Stay adaptable in a constantly evolving world: Life is dynamic. The ability to learn and unlearn is key to thriving.

Conclusion: Living Life with Passion and Awareness

Life is short, and we should live it with passion and enthusiasm. But let’s also approach it with caution and respect for others, always eager to bank new experiences for future encounters with Parrotfish—or Piranhas.

It’s the accumulation of these experiences that helps us navigate the complexities of life with grace, resilience, and wisdom. Whether you’re faced with a harmless fish or a lurking predator, remember that every encounter teaches you something—if you’re willing to listen.

Want to see more? Watch my video on the Lamu Cultural Festival on my YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/@thandishaven

Relax, Relate, Release!

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you” Lewis B. Smedes

How do we manoeuvre through life without holding grudges and without being bitter! So much happens in life and we find ourselves saying, that is so unfair, why is it happening to me, what have I done to deserve this?  Continue reading

Rising Blossom

“Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still” Chinese Proverb

Speaking to my almost teen daughter the other night, we were talking about blogging, she has finally decided that my blog, might be good enough for her to invest a few minutes reading what I have written; that is the articles that her and I have not co-authored. Continue reading

The Journey Continues……..

Ever Tried.  Ever Failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail Again. Fail Better! Samuel Beckett

It’s been a while, a long while;  I guess this is what is called taking a hiatus from writing.  I am not sure what brought it on, but there it was,  I stopped writing regularly and posting in the blog, and looking back I think it is a shame.  I used to enjoy the dialogue with friends old and new from around the world, friends who would read the blog on a weekly basis and comment. I felt honored words I wrote would inspire people and make them feel good. Then it all stopped, the drive I felt to write remained but to write for the public domain did not.  Not until now. Continue reading

“I believe I …………..”

“Only in quiet waters, things mirror themselves undistorted.  Only in a quiet mind is adequate perception of the world.” Hans Margolius, quoted in A Toolbox for Humanity

In the process of discussions with friends and general experiences, I have come to the conclusion that you define your life by your perception of it. In other words, I will react to the world in the way that I see the world and my place in it. Continue reading

Dream, I dare you!

It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.” 
― Paulo Coelho, the Alchemist

Dreams (a strongly desired goal or purpose), aspiration even, are part of our lives and very important components at that.  There are people out there who spend hours dreaming about what they want to be, how they want to live, and even what they want to accomplish.  Then there are those who resign themselves and state that they will never be able to accomplish their dreams, so they give up and live a “half life”, one where they are existing but not living, how sad! Publicly these people may seem happy, accomplished even, but deep down in their souls, where they cannot hide from themselves; they are just going through the motions, not really happy about their situations, but not courageous enough to make any significant changes. Continue reading

LOL*

Laughter, what is this thing that makes us feel so good?  If one can laugh then it makes everything alright, even if it is just for that one moment.  I love to laugh, especially when I can laugh until my sides ache.  It does not matter what it is that gets me there, I really just like the experience, and I love when the laughter has died down, how just a memory of it can get me smiling and feeling good all over again. Continue reading