Like a Moth to a Flame! Mysteries of Attraction and Connection

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“Attraction is beyond our will or ideas sometimes.” — Juliette Binoche

What is the Attraction?

What is the attraction? Is a person is attractive and hence they attract, and then the object of that a attraction is attracted back? Or is it that a person goes innocently along and bumps into someone, and BOOM! Attraction! Or is it a combination of both things?

The First Encounter

When two people first lay eyes on each other, what happens? Do their souls reach out and touch?   Is it the eyes that simultaneously see and mutually like, propelling them towards each other? What about scents and pheromones, that mix in the wind and begin a dance or romance between two? What do they have to do with attraction?

Feeling Like Old Friends

How do two people meet for the first time, and feel they have known each other for a lifetime?  The coincidences that couples realize as they begin to know each others likes and dislikes in sync. Beginning a dance of life as though they were always lifelong partners, yet the relationship is new?

How do hearts, minds, and souls of strangers intermingle as though they are continuing a romance of time past? How do couples sing perfect duets without hesitation or doubt as though they’ve practiced, and have only just met?

The Universal Pull

The world shows many signs of attraction; gravitational pull—a law of the universe we accept as fact. The way a flower leans out and up towards the gentle warming rays of the sun.  How we are pulled towards a colour or sound or image with no real explanation why we are thus drawn.

The way a moth is drawn to a flame, the closer it gets, the more detrimental the effects. Singed wings and sometimes even death. There is a force that pulls us in a certain direction, even when that direction may prove hazardous to us.

Unreciprocated Attraction

How do we reconcile attraction that makes us feel so strongly about a person.  Even one who does not reciprocate our feelings.  Worse still, they once did but dpn’t anymore?  What makes a woman attractive to one or several men, yet to another man, she is not appealing or attractive?

In my own experience, I have had men attracted to me whom I felt nothing for.  I have also been attracted to men, to whom I could have been a lump on a log.

The Fizzling Flame

How is it two people have an attraction for each other, mutual, volatile, and exciting!  Within no time, the flames have waned completely, and the cinders left could not fuel a new fire . What happens then? Maybe this attraction is of the body and not the mind? Lust?  Once that attraction is sated, there is nothing left to hold on to.  In this case, attraction is a means to an end, once the “end” is accomplished, the means (attraction) no longer exists. 

Embracing Attraction

I am probably overthinking this whole thing.   Attraction should be enjoyed or lamented as needed without a whole lot of dissection. I love to be attracted; it makes me feel vibrant and alive!  When it is not reciprocated or the intentions are not the same, it can leave me feeling wretched, like a moth singed by the flames!

I think that we are attractive and attracted beings. We should live life embracing attraction, if it comes our way, till we find a kindred spirit. One who resonates with our souls. Then we hold on and dance until the music stops. If it ends or changes, as attraction inevitably does, we reflect.  We cherish the memories it brought, appreciate the lessons learned, and find gratitude in the opportunity given us.

We sort out our memories and archive them into what to repeat, and what to avoid the next time.   As the Earth rotates on its axis and there is gravitational pull, attraction will always be a part of our lives. It will always return to us, giving us another chance.

The question is: Are we ready and willing for attraction, when it comes back around? Are we ready to embrace it, own it? Always moving towards it like a moth to a flame? Even when it singes our wings. I know I am! Be brave and embrace attraction; it is a part of who we are and what makes life worth living!

Self Caddying and Divots!

“It is our collective and individual responsibility… to preserve and tend to the world in which we all live” Dalai Lama

I have started playing golf again. However, due to the COVID situation, many things have changed in my everyday life. My problem is not being solitary, that I am used to. What is driving me crazy and making me lose sleep is lack exercise. I wake up in the middle of the night, mind tired but my body, wide awake. 

I like to move, to walk, see landscapes. As I exercise I like to process what is going on around me. Exercise is a necessity for my wellbeing. I need it and regularly too.  When in Mombasa I normally walk on the beach early in the morning. It is lovely so serene and quiet. The only company I normally have are fishermen. They are there at the crack of dawn, repairing their fishing apparel or heading quietly to sea on their surfboards or Ngalaus (local fishing boats). 

I loved the morning, the sunrise, the freshness of the sand and sea as the day was breaking. That was then, pre-COVID. Now the story is different on the beach. No matter how early I go out to the beach these days, it is packed with young people. These young people congregate in groups, completely ignoring social distancing, exercising and swimming and generally being young people. 

They do not interfere with me in my walk per se. Only that I have to constantly bob and weave between and amongst them, on the beach. Gone is my quiet serenity, gone is the silence of daybreak. Now the morning is full of human traffic and the noise that comes with it. Further, there is an increased potential for infection as none of them has masks on, as prescribed by current law.

The young people are taking full advantage of the fact that schools are closed, hence extended holidays. I do not begrudge them of their ability to take advantage of an otherwise impossible situation. I love their zeal and youth and energy so early in the morning. Yet I do feel like they have invaded my beach. 

A beach I shared only with the little crabs, and my handful of fishermen. We co-existed in the silence and got on with what brought us to the beach. Me with my mental and physical exercise, the fishermen their livelihood. The COVID situation and the aftermath, ran me off my beach, leaving me and a little lost and unsure.

Still, in need of early morning solitude and exercise, I decided to look for another haven; The golf course and early morning golf. With the COVID situation, this meant playing golf and self-caddying. Admittedly, I was daunted by the idea of self-caddying. 

Golfers here, are accustomed to using caddies to carry our bags, clean our clubs, and spot our balls when we hit. These wonderful individuals will further go into the bush to find our balls when necessary. Caddies are further expected to fill our divots on the fairways as we play. They smooth the sand in the bunkers after we have left it looking like a construction zone; 20 tries to get out of the bunker will do that. They show us the line on the green for us to putt. Possibly the most important one, they are also our scapegoats when we make a bad shot “my caddy gave me the wrong club, what is wrong with him/her” 

So yes I can play golf, but I have to carry my own bag. I must figure out where my ball goes once I hit it. If it enters a bush, as they sometimes will, I then have to decide whether to go into the bush after it (with the possibility of snakes in there? (Never) or leave it and play a different ball. Playing golf in the time of COVID means I must also carry my bag of sand to fill my divots each time I make them. I must also carry a rake in my bag, to rake the bunker once I am done hacking in the sand. 

The upside of this new golf is that I will be all alone. I can have back my serene, quiet morning. A big advantage I realise. How many times have I wanted my caddy to disappear in the course of a game? That is when he is talking too much and giving (unsolicited) advice? 

Now I have the opportunity to be completely alone for the 9 or 18 holes of golf. No one to speak to, to check on the flight of my ball ones it leaves my club and so on, you get the drift. Completely on my own, just like I like it right? Well, somewhat, they do say be careful what you wish for!!

I chose to brave it. First thing I had to do was sheepishly ask the caddy master to show me how to place and secure my bag onto the trolley. Due to social distancing, he could only instruct me from a distance. I have never done it so…… Never looked at how the caddy has been doing it, he always put it on so effortlessly. I have though, in the past been irritated with the caddy, wondering what was taking him so long to prepare my golf bag. This impatience was when I would come to play golf, with issues in my head, ill-tempered and impatient. 

Now I know it is not that easy, but I will get the hang of it in time. It does take ages to get it on and secured properly. If not secured properly the bag will slide off the cart and onto the ground. This then breaks the flow of my game, and am back at trying to secure it again. So better to do it right the first time. Oh, the lessons I am learning!

The most important lesson I have learned during my self-caddying experience is to never take people for granted. A caddies job does not seem that big of a deal until the caddy is no longer there, suddenly am thinking, we do not pay them nearly enough for all the things they do to make our game experience so seamless!

If we equate divots on the golf course to life and how we live. When playing golf, we tend to hit the ball forward and move. We move with no thought of any divot we created and left on the fairway, for the next player to find their ball in that divot. Mindless about fixing the divot we created, because, its someone else’s responsibility to fill.   If we equate the golf course with the earth we live in, then how many divots do we create in our daily lives, whether on purpose or by mistake? How many times are we even aware that we are creating the divots? And when we know we are responsible for the divots, what do we do about it? 

Are we aware of the total effect that all the uncovered divots have on the earth in the long run? In golf, if we played, creating divots and not filling them, we would end up with one big divot, no fairways anymore. Now the earth? Is it not the divot effect coming into play? We do not take the time or have the awareness to fill the divots we create. We do not care how they affect our fellow man nor the earth in general. 

If we do not understand during this era of COVID when we have time to take stock of our surroundings and our behaviour. Understand the implications of what we have done with the earth, by not correcting our mistakes. Then we will end up with earth so broken we will be unable to fix it, it will be too late. One giant divot instead of a golf course! One wasteland instead of our earth.

So my take on self-caddying. I should be self-caddying in golf as well as in life. Paying attention to my part in the whole thing, aware of my surroundings, and the effects of my footprint on this earth. I should appreciate others around me and the important role they play in easing my way through this world.   What divots am I creating on this earth and how do I play my part in ensuring I cover every one of them each time I create them?  We should all take this time to review our game of life and what divots we create and how to mitigate or at the very worst, repair them to ensure the sustainability of this earth for our children and their children, for tomorrow.