Don’t ever be afraid of standing out. Fear fitting in because you can get lost in the crowd, but standing alone you always find yourself. Unknown Quotes

There was a game I remember we used to play.  We used to call it bladder! It was a game played by a minimum of three girls, two girls hold up the bladder (rubber strip that is flexible and is tied to form a loop) the other girl then tries to jump in and out of the bladder, and each turn she is successful the girls raise the bladder making the next time harder.For those who have played the game you understand, for the rest of you sorry it might seem confusing. To play this game you must be accepted as part of this trio. Being in the trio even for a short amount of time means that there are people in your sphere who accept you and integrate you into their lives. Meaning, that even if only for a time, you fit in!

 I have been toying with this concept of fitting in for a while, what does it mean? Well in my opinion, it is about coming into a new situation and being able to blend with it, become one with it, without diminishing yourself.  I am talking about the efforts we make when we are confronted with new situations. A child going to a new school, moving into a new town, joining a new club and so on and so forth;  the common thread, there is an existing culture, way of doing, a belonging that exists for all the others already within which, you as the newcomer, must find your best fit.

 My angel Tween said to me the other day that she does not want to go to senior school without any friends.  A very profound statement, a response to why she insisted on doing something that was obviously making her unhappy at school.  It was to do with friends and peer pressure and yes you guessed it, fitting in.  As much as we may teach our children about the value of integrity and self-assurance, they have to be the ones out there negotiating the maze that is school and friends and dealing with all the hurdles and obstacles that they are confronted with.   I am learning to understand my angel Tween, and more importantly to listen, understand and appreciate her point of view. Things are not as simple as they used to be for us; I do not recall dealing with many of the issues that she is confronted with. The web and the general information age has certainly given these children a broader playing field, yet it has also exposed them to things much earlier and I am not always sure that is a good thing.

 What my angel Tween and I share in common is that, we are human beings and naturally social creatures, all like to fit in to new situations with ease.  The faster we are accepted the faster we can get on with whatever it is we are to accomplish.  For my angel Tween, I will continue to ask her to maintain her sense of self, to always approach life with integrity and to forge her own path if there is not one there for her.  I have also made a promise to understand when she does things that puzzle me, like wear a color she is not keen on, because all the girls in the school have decided that is the color of the day.  I promise to try to understand her need to be a part of a whole from time to time, as long as there are boundaries.  I pray each day that she gains personal resolve and strength and carries herself with confidence and dignity.  More than anything I pray for her to fit in with ease into her new educational experiences so that more time is spent understanding and acclimatizing to the new rigors of her middle year’s program and less including fitting in socially, without compromising who she is and what she believes in.

This may be about a Tween but truth being told, it is the same for all of us, when confronted with a new situations, fitting in becomes very important.  Being embraced by those you find already in the situation, or that you are experiencing the situation with becomes a very important component to how quickly and efficiently you can get on with our lives.  I am very clear of who I am and what I am about, however in all honesty, there are times where I have had to put me aside and allow the status quo to determine how I negotiate a particular situation with ease.  One thing I will say is that I have very clear boundaries, beyond which I will not go, no matter what.  I would like my Tween angel to erect similar boundaries of her own.  Her “no go” zones beyond which she will not venture. This will allow her to maintain her true sense of self, yet allow her to learn and understand and practice the art of compromise.