Author Archives: wtikua

We are not there!

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“Wherever you are, make sure you’re there.” — Dan Sullivan

Life is about living! I don’t mean the sort of living that puts us on a mindless path of other peoples’ dreams and expectations of us. I mean feeling, sensing, touching, smelling every minute of every hour of every day.  We need to stop and take stock of what is right here in front of us now.  Appreciate who and what we are now, in the present. Let us not focus on who we were, that’s gone, or who we are going to be, that is yet to come.

Both past and future timelines are valid. One lends to the experiences we have gone through and lessons we have learned.  The other, to the hope of who we can become, and to a better version of ourselves tomorrow.

What about now, who we are now, how we are now, what we are now? When I look at the mirror, who do I see? When I look around me now, what do I witness of life, keeping in mind that it is as much a part of me as I am of it?

As I continue my journey of self-discovery, I am more aware of my surroundings; Less concerned of what others think of me.  The new me is in awe of the beauty I witness all around me; the little flower growing a few feet from me, glistening in the morning sunshine.   The chuckle that comes, watching the Male Agama lizards, in their vibrant hues of blue and orange, chasing after the seemingly unwilling female Agama’s, bedecked in green with red spots glittering like rubies on their backs. One chases, the other runs.   I love how the males are so determined to catch and how the females pretend to resist each time, ducking and weaving away, smaller and more agile.

This is not about lizards, nor about flowers, or maybe it is.   Maybe it is about stopping in these “busy” lives we lead, to just take to take a look around us. To stop and marvel at all the wonderful creations that are within inches of us and how they interact.   Things we look at every day, yet take for granted and never really see. Not because they are not there, but we are not present. we are not there! 

We are rushing from here to there, not accomplishing much.   We need to look like we are busy.  That we look focused and motivated.  All the while caring more about how others percieve us in our “busy”.  Trying desperately to be relevant in the eyes of those who behold us.  Never caring how much this “busy” is costing us. Sad.

What we should be doing is slowing down, oftentimes stopping completely.  This world is moving way too fast.   Seconds, minutes, hours, even days all melded into one. We all know that time is a finite commodity, yet rushing does not make it have more value. On the contrary rushing through life increases the scarcity of time.  We rush past it, too busy to notice, then wonder at the end, where it all went.  Tragically, we wonder what we did with the time we had.  There are few memories to show, when we rush around being busy all the time, and sadly few worthy of  mention.  

It is time to take a moment to stop and look around.   Find something beautiful in what is within us, around us.  This is akin to stopping time or at least freezing it for a moment. Time to collect a memory to etch in our minds, like a picture that never fades.   An interactive 3D image of a moment in our lives. One that we can always reach for , and  bring back to look at again and again.

I can remember when I sat in my balcony, that morning when the Agamas’ were at play and the sun was shining. The wind was rustling through the leaves of the palm trees up above.   I could hear the sounds of the numerous birds and I could even hear the sound of the waves crashing against not so distant the shore.

I watched squirrels at play, saw the plants, flowers and other greenery swaying in the wind. The sun shining, making the dewdrops shimmer on the blades of grass.   What a beautiful morning it was, so full of promise.  This memory my reward for slowing down that morning and watching, listening, paying attention, being present.  My gift for being present etched in my mind forever.   Available for me to reach into and see again, in my melancholy to remind me of that wonderful moment in time.

We plan and we dream and attempt to forecast a future.  This, in my opinion, is a bit unrealistic.   We have no real control of how tomorrow will unravel itself. We can only hope that what we plan comes to be.

Therefore, if I have no control of what tomorrow will bring, then at least let me be sure about today.  Let me be sure about now, be sure about what I am experiencing in this moment.  That way, even if tomorrow does not play out as I had expected, and things to not go do as planned.  Then, at the very least, I have the memories of now.   I have today and can save it in my memory banks, to review to my heart’s content later. I can be present, I can actually say that I lived, I was there!

Diet Obstacles

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The process of this diet did come with a few unexpected challenges and to ease your diet path and make it easier for you to navigate the diet process. Since I have taken the journey with success, I feel that it would be helpful for me to share some of the challenges I faced. I have chosen to tell you about some of the challenges I faced (you may face different ones), more importantly how I tackled them without compromising the diet requirements. I am sharing this information with the hope that it is useful and makes this arduous process a little easier for you.

As my diet progressed even self-control with the diet go easier. However, as with every process, there were challenges that I had to overcome. The first challenge I faced very early on (within the first week). Namely, I found it difficult to have a regular bowel movement (sorry a bit disgusting, yet necessary to discuss). I consulted a doctor about it, and he explained that my diet being only liquids, would make it challenging for my intestines to push liquid through. Thus enabling me to have a bowel movement. Now I understand the role that roughage (non-soluble fibre) plays in our diet, helping to keep us “regular”.

Liquid diet equals liquid waste. To resolve this issue I did some research and in the process discovered Linseed (flaxseed). Linseed is an effective binding agent. Due to its binding properties, Linseed is used in recipes, it as an egg substitute. Linseed will take whatever liquids surround it and bond them into a solid mass. A solid mass in the intestines equals a bowel movement. Problem solved. Chia seeds are a good substitute for Linseeds, for the same purpose and other nutritional benefits. Chia can, therefore, can be used interchangeably this diet for the same purpose. 

I went out and bought the Linseed with the intent to include it to my diet hoping that it would help me with being more “regular”. As a result of my new-found information, I began adding Linseed into my smoothies before blending (3tsp) and cooked soups before serving (2tsp). It did the trick, regular bowel movements after each meal, metabolism back and things flowing as they should. 

The next challenge I faced with my diet came in the form of queries and concerns by a particular doctor. His concern included my choice to remaining on liquids beyond the nutritionists prescribed 2 weeks. In his opinion, my diet was too restrictive, unrealistic and not sustainable. Subsequently, he discouraged me from the diet, from the very beginning. According to him, I ran the risk of becoming Bulimic. This came after I shared my formula for dealing with cravings. He did not believe I would have the resolve not to swallow the food

Additionally, the doctor had concerns that my not eating solids for a long time, might result in my intestines atrophy from lack of use. I am not sure how true this is. He further suggested that continuing with this liquid diet for an extended amount of time would invariably put me at risk of malnutrition. In this case, Malnutrition caused by an essential mineral and vitamin deficit. I believe, he thought I had lost my mind to take on such an impossible task. Suggesting that I see a therapist to deal with my supposed mental issues surrounding weight loss. 

The doctor’s comments and he was not alone, made me realize a few things; People can only advice you from their point of view. The questions and doubts bandied my way, had little to do with professional knowledge, more to do with their self-doubt. Consequently, their comments were them projecting their fears and insecurities on me.

In retrospect, the doctor was projecting his lack of discipline and his insecurities about weight loss. Further, he completely underestimated my resolve, will power, discipline and determination. However, as I felt that he meant me no harm to appease him, I agreed to undergo monthly blood tests. I further agreed that if the blood tests confirmed his concerns, indicating deficiencies, then I would agree to take supplements. These supplements would replace any depleted vitamins and minerals.

He could determine what he wanted to check. Hence the checks he decided on would indicate if my new diet was depleting necessary nutrients from my body. The blood tests were to check specific things, as listed:

  1. Fasting Cholesterol
  2. Fasting sugar
  3.  HBA1c
  4. Magnesium
  5. Folic
  6. Vitamin B12

The blood tests began after the 1st month and continued monthly for 6 months. The subsequent results of the blood tests each month were that the diet did not have adverse effects on my body. On the contrary, the results of the blood tests showed that my body was receiving the full complement of nutrients and minerals necessary. Additionally, Cholesterol and blood sugar levels improved as well. Vindication. 

The results of the blood tests showed that not only was the diet not depleting anything necessary from my body, but it was good for me.   My chosen diet gave me sustenance, energy and all the minerals and vitamins necessary. Hence, I did not have to take any supplements and it helped convince the doctor that his concerns were needless.

It is important to keep in mind when you decide to follow such a diet, those around you can try and discourage you, try to get you to change your decision. Don’t expect them to understand. As in many decisions in your life, you must be resolute. However, even in your determination, do not take unnecessary chances with your health. Seek professional help before beginning your diet from a nutritionist and/ or a doctor (particularly if there or any underlying medical conditions). Ensure that in following your diet, you are not doing more harm than good. 

To be successful you must be disciplined. To this end, you must be able to resist temptations and remarks of discouragement from those around you. Sadly, even the ones who love you and supposedly want what is best for you. People can inadvertently or purposely project their fears on you, whilst others envy your level of discipline and resolve to change to improve. Maybe they don’t have “it” in them. Remember, “Misery loves company”. 

In summary, no one else can walk your path. Ask yourself how badly do you want this? This is your choice, be resolved to see it through to the end. Do not be discouraged do not give in or give up. Listen to your inner voice, own your diet, own your path, and your journey towards living your best life!

Gratitude Series: 1. Attitude

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“Gratitude is a currency that we can mint for ourselves, and spend without fear of bankruptcy.” Fred De Witt Van Amburgh

My friend Gillianne has a great way of being optimistic, no matter her situation. Often, when I am about to start a pity party, I remember her saying that we should always have an “attitude of gratitude”. I take a deep breath and change my attitude. Change it to one of gratitude. Gillianne is also the person who taught me to remember always that “it could be far worse”. Thanks, Chica! I am grateful for you!

“Attitude is defined as the posture, action or disposition, the position as indicating an action, feeling or mood.“

Having an attitude of gratitude means, taking the action of being grateful. It begins with the thought ” this could be far worse” and then a review of all that is around, an appreciation for all that is good 

Sometimes I have had to go below the surface to reach the good, particularly when I feel overwhelmed by my circumstance. However, by grace, I can always find that which I can be thankful for or about. That which I can focus on with a disposition of gratitude.

During this current world situation, we are all facing, I want to truly embrace this attitude of gratitude. I want it to become a part of who I am of how I deal with the pressures of the world. I would like gratitude to be my way of being, my attitude to life!

When I review the last few years of my life, I have certainly come a long way. I live a more positive hopeful existence than I did before. My outlook on life is one of hope. I am now aware that though I cannot control life itself, I can control my outlook to life. My outlook to the life I have allows me to manage any situation I find myself in. I realize that my life is finite. It is not a dress rehearsal, and I cannot trade it with any other person, now would I want to. 

When I look at how blessed my life is, how much I have in this life to be thankful for, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. As time does not stand still nor am I able to turn it back for a redo of my life. It is futile for me to spend any time looking back at what could have been. Looking back with regret. Far better use of my time is to focus on now, with gratitude. For all, I am and have.

I challenge you to do the same, look at your life currently and find one or two things that make you feel truly grateful. Focus on that and somehow even the worst of situations become more palatable. Have an attitude (take action) of gratitude.

Thandi’s Smoothie Recipes

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I began my diet journey over a year ago, and smoothies were a very important initial component of that journey. I attribute my initial weight loss success to the smoothies I drank in the initial stages of the diet.   These smoothies have taken me through every day of my liquid diet and beyond.   I  now share the recipes with you, as promised!

There are some ingredients that I repeat in every smoothie and some that change based on my daily tastes.  I utilised ingredients that I like to eat, subsequently, drinking my smoothie every day was not a chore and made it easier to maintain the diet for a longer period of time.  Resulting in increased weight loss.   

I encourage you, as you review the smoothie recipes, to personalize them, and substitute whatever is on my list that you don’t like. 

  1. There is a reason that I have included certain items in the recipe.  A bit of research can show you what you can interchange them with for similar results.  
  2. As I mention the different ingredients, I have not included all their health benefits, you can find all you need online
  3. Remember. This journey will be far more successful if you take ownership and do additional research yourself.  
  4. Mine is to give you what has worked for me and what I have discovered in my research.
  5. I am eating what is available where I live, which might be different for you where-ever in the world you are  

Must have in every smoothie:

  • Avocado (vitamin C, E, K, Omega 3 fats)
  • Cucumber(Vitamin K, water, low calorie, Antioxidants, water-soluble fibre)
  • Nuts (Fibre, protein, Omega 6 & Omega 3 fats, magnesium & vitamin E)
  • Flaxseed/Linseed/Chia (omega 3 fats, protein, fibre)
  • Yoghurt (protein, Calcium, Vitamin B, Riboflavin, Phosphorus, Magnesium, Potassium)

Additional items: (Carbohydrates)

  • Fruit -one or more (tree tomato, mango, banana, green apple, passion fruit, grapes, papaya….)
  • Vegetables – 1 or more (Arugula, beetroot, spinach, soft lettuce, broccoli, sweet peppers….)
  • Liquid (water, unsweetened juice – to mix to a drinkable consistency. 

Try my smoothies exactly as they are, if you like.   I challenge you to use my recipe only as a guide and, come up with your own recipes.  

I started the diet, drinking approximately 1064ml/36 ounces of the smoothie.  As time went by I reduced to 710ml/24 ounces of the smoothie. Hope this helps!

Sample Smoothie Recipes:

  1. Papaya, mango, banana, raspberries, tree tomato*, avocado, roasted cashew nuts* (2 tbsp), spinach*, natural yoghurt*(100ml/3.3oz, cucumber, 3tbsp flaxseed, orange juice – unsweetened
  2. Mango, papaya, banana, tree tomato, pineapple, spinach, orange*, cucumber avocado, carrots, Cashew( 2 tbsp), 200 ml/7 oz natural yoghurt,  3tbsp flaxseed, orange juice – unsweetened
  3. Tree tomato, papaya, mango, pineapple, Arugula*, grapes, banana, avocado, cashew nuts (2 tbsp), 200 ml/7 oz natural yoghurt, 3 tbsp flax seed, unsweetened orange juice
  4. Grapes, avocado, beetroot, tree tomato, cucumber, soft green broccoli*, banana, pineapple, watermelon, papaya, 200ml/7oz natural yoghurt, 2tbsp cashews, 3tbsp flaxseed, unsweetened lime juice
  5. Banana, grapefruit (no pith), mango, avocado, spinach, 2 tbsp cashews, cucumber, beetroot, 200ml/7oz vanilla yoghurt, unsweetened orange Juice
  6. Carrot, cucumber, avocado, tree tomato, spinach, mango, pineapple, banana, 2tbsp Cashews, 200ml vanilla yoghurt, 3tbsp flaxseed, unsweetened orange juice
  7. Carrot, cucumber, capsicum, 200ml vanilla yoghurt, 2tbsp Cashews, tree tomato, mango, watermelon, banana, arugula avocado, 3tbsp flaxseed, unsweetened orange juice
  8. Pineapple, beetroot, cucumber, broccoli, tree tomato, watermelon, 2tbsp Cashews, 200ml vanilla yoghurt, 3tbsp flaxseed, unsweetened passionfruit juice 

*NB

Tree Tomato = Tamarillo  

Roasted Cashews or any other nuts of your choice, should be ground up 

Orange/grapefruit should not include the pith as it makes the smoothie bitter 

Arugula/Spinach should be cut up into small pieces 

Broccoli should be raw and cut into small pieces 

Yoghurt, if lactose intolerant, a non-dairy substitute can work as well

Gratitude Series

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gratitude: “quality of being thankful”

noun: the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. The word is derived from the Latin word gratus meaning “pleasing, thankful” (Oxford University Press)

In these trying and troubled times, it is very hard to feel thankful or to show any appreciation at all. All we see is how hard things are and what a difficult time we are experiencing. We cannot give in to the negativity we are currently facing. Consequently, we may be better able to forge forward, by taking the following steps;

  1. Stop and take stock of our lives,
  2. Accept that things may be bad right now and, will more than likely get far worse before they get better.
  3. Make a concerted effort, and dig deep inside of ourselves, searching for any positivity we can find
  4. Concentrate on that positivity we find within ourselves and utilise it to re-align our minds
  5. Focus on all the good in our lives, which subsequently allows us to be grateful.

A good focus in these trying times is by showing gratitude. No matter how bad things get, if we take a keen look within ourselves, in an effort of finding something good, we will find it. Something no matter how small, to be thankful for. Focusing on that thing we are thankful for, will allow us to turn our minds from all the negatives, to the positives in our lives.

This should result in us taking a reprieve from wallowing in the negatives in and around our lives. We must be determined to get above our situations. Look critically and recognize all the good happening around us. Making it easier to overcome our current situations, feel better and have the strength to do better. 

I am making great efforts to refocus my energies from the current negative situation to more positive endeavours. I have come up with different ways to show gratitude, by doing a series of articles focusing on gratitude.

The different gratitude’s I will be speaking of in these series, are not the only ones available. I would challenge you to come up with some of your own, that resonate at the frequency of your soul.

Walk with me as I go through the different posts in my series. Feel free to comment and add your ideas of other ways we can all express gratitude.

Thriving in these times!

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“Sometimes when things are falling apart, they may actually be falling into place.” J. Lynn

I took a walk today on the beach this morning at 6:30 am. I thought that it would be a good time to go for peace and the quiet of the early morn. A time to get in my exercise, while practising social distancing. Surprising, the beach was full of people. There usually are not that many people on the beach that early. 

Where was the prescribed l distancing? Not on this beach. They were all going against the current law. I did notice that many of them were young, probably teenagers, in small groups engaged in different activities. 

The tapestry of life that II witnessed, included several small groups. One group of young men involved in exercises. The group had assigned leaders showing them what to do with one of them assigned to record and point out the ones doing the exercises incorrectly.

Another group of youngsters were in the water swimming and egging each other on with different challenges. Yet another group were running together on the beach. A final group were tackling a makeshift obstacle course. This group came complete with spectators, some heckling, others encouraging the participants of the course. 

All the groups were all enjoying the beach and ocean, completely enthralled in their activities. I noted that there were very few women/ girls on the beach. Including myself, there were no more than 7. In contrast, there were easily 30-40 men and boys on the beach. 

The fishermen were there at their usual landing site, engaged in various activities. Some Fishermen were repairing nets under a tree. Some were cleaning their catch at the water’s edge. Another small group were preparing to go to sea in their Ngalaus'(wooden canoes) or on their surfboards.  This was just another day for the fishermen, fish to be caught, a livelihood to be sought!

It was a beautiful morning. A gentle breeze from the ocean. A clear blue sky adorned by the early morning sun. So camaraderie on that beach, it made me smile to observe it. Though they were all going against the current rules, their presence created an atmosphere full of laughter and joy!

Observing this, I began to focus on the positives of that morning. I was witnessing people making the most of the negative situation the whole world is in. People choosing to thrive in the strife we were all experiencing, subsequently choosing to get on with life! Finding joy in little things and enjoying the beautiful morning. I pray that they will not get sick. That they can continue to fish for their livelihood. The youngsters can exercise and laugh and enjoy each others company. Do all the things that make living in the now so fulfilling, amidst the current challenges.

I love that the youth can take advantage of their time out of school, to keep fit and be healthy. They seem not to know or possibly not care, that there is a pandemic that has stopped the world. Consequently disrupting the typical flow of their lives. They instead are focusing on living life to the fullest. Making the very best of a bad situation. watching them interact, made me feel good. I love the way they focus on how they feel, living actively, in the present. 

People are worried about the current situation. How long it will continue, and what will happen tomorrow. The whole world is at a standstill. It is refreshing then, to witness these young people making the best out an impossible situation. Too busy having fun, to worry or be depressed and sad about the current situation. It might help that they have the luxury not to worry as they have their elders to do that for them.

As much as I am a grown-up and worry is one of my responsibilities. I would rather be like the young people on that beach that morning. Enjoying what I can of the current situation. Actively seeking to look for positives in every situation, hence flourishing, despite all the negatives. It will play out no matter what I feel or want, so I choose to make the best of it. Use this time to grow and live, until it is over and we move beyond it. 

There is always a silver lining on every rain cloud. I want to focus on that silver lining. This will enable me to deal with the uncertainty of these times we are living in. Allow me to hope and hold on until tomorrow.

Not saying it is easy, but nothing worth it comes that easily. I am willing to adjust my mindset. I want to be like those young people on the beach. Living life to the fullest regardless of the situation. Seeing all the good in my current situation. Which in turn allows me to feel better about myself. Feel better about the world around me and the plight we all find ourselves in.

20 Days and Counting!

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20 does not seem like a lot of days, but the type of diet I was on, it felt like a lifetime. I had successfully managed to stay true to the liquid diet. After 20 days the doubt and subsequent questions began in my head.

1. After all the sacrifice dieting, if the results showed no weight loss, then have I been depriving myself for nothing? 

2. And the 14-day diet originally prescribed by the nutritionist, extended to 20 days, could be doing me more harm than good?

3. Will I ever be able to eat regular food again? without regaining the weight?

These were some of the main questions in my mind at the time. Questions that were very real and kept me up at night trying to answer. Additionally, I had other challenges.

I found myself craving the individual tastes of particular foods. To resolve this, I would eat my smoothie or bowl of soup. What I ate resulted in giving me one prevailing taste, and due to habit, my body was craving more varied and distinct tastes.

These cravings had nothing to do with hunger more about learned behaviour. Further, ingested food ends up in the stomach. Since the stomach has no brain, it does not distinguish between foods, in terms of tastes and texture sensations. The different food sensation of tastes and textures occurs in the mouth and the mind. I craved different tastes and textures.

What I know of cravings is they happen in the mind. When our bodies are missing something certain nutrients or from habit. Instead of ignoring the cravings, I instead chose to indulge my mind. I decided to eat exactly what my body was craving. (warning, not for the squeamish) 

To deal with the cravings, yet maintain my diet, I came up with a plan. To eat my one bowl of soup, as usual for dinner. Once full, yet still craving, I would take the vegetables or meat, chew and spit them out. 

As I did not need the additional food in my stomach, I would not swallow it. I know this sounds disgusting. Please note that I did not ever swallow the meats or vegetables, regret my decision to do so, and purposely throw it back up. 

I know this sounds crazy, but I was determined to stick to my diet. Retelling this particular diet experience is met with mixed reactions… Some say that those are the first signs of Bulimia. Others find it wasteful, and some find it funny. Everyone agreed it is disgusting. 

It did require a lot of discipline to chew food and not to swallow it. I discovered in this process that, I have a lot of discipline. Satisfy my cravings without compromising my diet. As I was in the privacy of my home and alone, no one had to witness this little “trick”. Although this was not an ideal situation, it was a means to an end.

I emphasize that I did not swallow the food then subsequently, make myself throw it back up. This behaviour, which is practised by some to diet, can be very dangerous. The process of throwing up food by force can result in dehydration and other very serious side effects.

I conclude this by saying that in the process of this diet, I learned little tricks (I will continue to share them with you), which helped me manage my old food habits, hence, modifying my overall relationship with food. This relationship had to change for my diet to be successful, and end up my ultimately as my new lifestyle. 

Perspective

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“One moment the world is as it is. The next, it is something entirely different. something it has never been before.” Anne Rice, Pandora

Sitting in the patio, at home in the coast. I am surrounded by beautiful gardens full of palm trees, tropical flowers and 30 degrees (Celsius) weather.   I feel blessed, spending quality time with my Angel, listening to music and loving life.  All of this while I work remotely, in this case from the safety of home.

I am settling into quarantine far better than I thought I would. 7 of 14 days of self-quarantine, life has never been so sweet.  I am healthy.  My angel is here in quarantine with me she is the reason for it.  She just returned home from Costa Rica! 

Sadly, the world is in crisis right now with the Covid-19 situation affecting most countries in the world.  Things are dire in many parts of the world, with people losing loved ones, people fighting for their lives. More people are losing their livelihoods. Businesses are shutting down, and most of the worlds’ economies are in a downward spiral.  

Then there is the fear of this virus that is raging through the world.  Forcing nation after nation to shut down, no end in sight.  Knowing, that too that when we get a handle on the virus, we will feel the repercussions of it for years to come.  

What is happening is happening and nothing I can do will stop it or make it go away.  I am concerned, yet grateful. Having a roof over my head, food to eat, and a secure job through this ongoing global pandemic is not something I am taking for granted. 

I will do my part by staying home during quarantine. When the period will ends, continue to maintain social distance. I will do all that has been prescribed, so as not to infect or get infected.  

Let us all be hopeful for a better tomorrow. In the meantime pay attention to what is happening in nature. Look for the silver lining these dark times.

  • The canals of Venice clearing and returning to blue, fish and other water animals returning,
  • the pollution levels in China dropping as a result of the overall confinement of people due to the virus.   
  • I am also sure that parks like Maasai Mara will have a reprieve of the constant year-round human traffic.  
  • the time spent in traffic in cities full of smog emitted by the fuels we burn in our cars.
  • The hours we spend commuting to and from work. Precious hours to spend quality time with families who are home with us now

The world is resetting it seems, and I believe we are getting a second chance to remember what is important; family, quality of life.  The environment seems to be better for the break we are giving it.  A part of me secretly wants the restrictions to continue a little longer. Selfishly I want even more time with my Angel.

Whilst at home, we give mother earth a chance to recover somewhat.  Things may seem dire right now. Depending on the perspective we use to view our current experiences, we can see a lot of good that is coming out of this, not very good situation.

Again and again and again, I begin……

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“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.”
– Samuel Beckett

So after taking a hiatus for several years, I have decided to restart my inspirational writings again.  It’s not that I stopped writing, quite the contrary, I just stopped posting pieces in my blog, but I have decided to start yet again, continuing a journey I begun as a child, writing that is, and posting online, which I began 2010? One should never give up, and the journey is never over, it changes trajectory, even complete direction, the momentum slows down, almost to a complete stop, but the journey is never over, never.  Even when one passes on, hopefully, they leave a legacy and so the journey continues.  No am not passing on, not right now anyway, am just saying, my journey, my most recent trajectory continues.

So with that, I feel I have grown a great deal as a person.  My angel went off to do her IB diploma and chose to do it in Costa Rica!  I think she wanted to distance herself from me, and I don’t blame her, I did tend to smother her, single child of a single parent and all that.  Her departure did what it was intended to do, besides her academic progress, she learned further how to be independent, and how to live with people from around the world.  She also got a chance to come out of my shadow and my way of doing things and see a different perspective.  She found her voice, and though I am biased, I like it a lot.  She is growing into an amazing young woman and I am very proud.

In her absence, and what an absence it was, I was forced to regroup and reorganize and after 17 years of focusing on her.  August 2018, I was forcibly thrust into a situation where I had to rethink of my existence and my reason for being.  Something I would not have willingly done unless something drastic happened.  Well UWC Costa Rica happened!  And what a happening, firstly it took me holding on to status quo for an additional 8 months, I kept everything intact, even her room, as though she was coming back to that house and that room and nothing had changed.  We lie to ourselves to make the transition easier, at least that is what we say.  Ha! The joke was on me! Everything had changed, she was never coming back to the way things were before August 2018.  Even if she came back, she would be a different person and the way we engaged would be different.  

It took her birthday, 17 years and the first time that I was not physically with her.  To simplify it I felt like shit! Like a failure, like all that I had done, all the education, work experience, all of my life to this point was not good enough to allow me financially or practically to be with my angel on her birthday, that far away.  I called, feeling such guilt at having failed her, only to be shut down with the fact that since she was that far away (9 hours behind away) that her birthday was the next day and I should wait to wish her a happy birthday then.  Needless to say, it went south from there.  When I did try to call her the next day, she was not available, too busy enjoying her birthday with her new friends in her new environment.  Children can be so cruel!

Then it dawned on me! She has moved on and she is well and along her way to becoming everything I wished for her.  Independent and well adjusted!  I was the one who had not made the transition and was still hanging on to her coattails for a sense of belonging.  Not knowing who I was now and which direction I was headed and terrified at a future that looked so different for the past that I was accustomed to.

I needed to find me, to rediscover me and who I want to be today and tomorrow.  Life on my terms now not determined by others.  Life as I would like it to become.  I am taking the time to get to know myself now and making whatever adjustments I need to make in areas I feel are wanting.  Taking responsibility for my happiness, defining myself on my terms! I am excited!

Corporation at the market

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For it is in giving that we receive  Francis of Assisi

For the longest time, I looked at giving to communities as a corporate venture or at least one done on the Non Governmental Organization (NGO) level.  I saw philanthropy as a big word practised by big business; as a way to circumvent the negative effects of their presence (read oil business), or as a way to feel good about all the billions they make each year, whilst there are people in their immediate surrounds going without food, shelter or even basic healthcare.  I recently heard a story that helped reshape my thinking.

This is the story of a young girl and her slightly older sister (18 if she was a day) who ventured from our capital city to our second largest city in search of gainful employment. These young girls had spent a stint in Nairobi unsuccessfully, in the hands of so-called relatives who had brought them from up-country on the pretence of “helping” their poor relatives. The experience was a disaster for the young girls as they discovered quickly that they had been brought to be slaves by their “relative”.  Eventually she kicked them out in the middle of the night and it took a kind neighbour to both house them for the night and give them enough bus fare for them to travel to Mombasa.

Silly, brave girls had no real plan, they just believed that when they arrived, they would find work and begin their lives.  They also knew that they could not go back home to the hardship and poverty they had left behind, continuing to be a burden on their parents who had 14 other mouths to feed.  The ride to Mombasa was uneventful and the girls found themselves in Mwembe Tayari with nowhere to go and no one who knew them or cared. They arrived at night, frightened by the dark and unfamiliar with their surroundings, they harboured by the side of a building and spent the night, with the night watchmen as their only involuntary security.  Night passed into dawn and in the morning the hustle and bustle of the day began.

Two young girls, terrified yet brave, huddled in the corner like two abandoned kittens, vulnerable to the world, yet not crippled by it into inaction.  This is how she found them, wary yet curious.  She could see their terror just layers from the brave faces they put on.  Watching them, memories of times past flooded her mind and allowed her to make a decision. She knew well the look of abandonment, the sour taste of wretchedness, tossed out with yesterday’s garbage to face the elements. She saw it all in these two girls huddled together on the side of the building. These children needed rescuing and she was going to be their saviour.

She took them home, not much yet a safe haven for her and her foundlings, nursed their insecurities, fed their undernourished bodies and allowed them to have the space and mindset to organize their heads and look for work. Each day they ventured out to work (they eventually got gainful employment) and she went to the market to find her fortune, she worried about them, unable to eat her evening meal until “her girls” came home safely.

They lived with her, laughed with her, grew with her and became whole with her, for seven long wonderful months. They gave her a sense of family, something she had not experienced in a long time.  She gave them love and security, something they had not really experienced before with 14 other siblings around and being in the hands of abusive relatives.  She knew that they had grown and were ready to take on the world on their own terms.  In month eight when her son from a forgotten past came to get her, she was ready to leave, happy to reconcile with her son. He came to give her a back a portion of what she had given him, rescue her; he came to take her home.  It was a happy reunion and her departure from her “girls”, a bitter-sweet parting of strangers who had become family.

As mentioned earlier, my thought of giving has been somewhat restricted by the idea that corporations and organizations and other big groups are the ones that give, really give and have the greatest impact.  Yet per our culture, our own traditions are steeped with people reaching out and helping each other (it takes a village…..).   This true story is my emancipation from that thought onto a more enlightened place. Hearing it convinced me that it is possible for each and every one of us to make a difference in the lives of those around us (our village).  We just have to have faith that doing good for others, is not limited to just organizations and corporations, we can be corporations within ourselves.