“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you” Lewis B. Smedes

How do we manoeuvre through life without holding grudges and without being bitter! So much happens in life and we find ourselves saying, that is so unfair, why is it happening to me, what have I done to deserve this?  Through the ages, I think that philosophers have tackled these questions, maybe with enough reading, one can identify exactly why something is occurring and what to do to ensure that it does not happen again, personally, I would like to focus on is how to not hold a grudge, even on oneself.

In my opinion learning that living is about making mistakes is super important. One must have the courage to step out of their comfort zone and stretch their boundaries.  At times this gamble works and at other times it does not work, it ends up a mistake. When unfortunately we have made a mistake, we must chalk it up to experience and instead of being hard on ourselves for making the mistake; we should instead look at what the mistake has taught us and how we preserve the information so that we need not repeat the same mistake again.  We are doing ourselves an injustice when we blame ourselves, and begrudge ourselves for making the mistake in the first place.

If we are not willing to make mistakes and consider them a learning experience, we are not truly living we are just existing. Mistakes are there to be made, nothing ventured, nothing gained, experience is the best teacher, I could go on, but the premise is still the same; mistakes are part of life and living. We must aim to live to the fullest and eat life with a big spoon!  So, as we learn not to begrudge ourselves for mistakes we make, so to must we learn not to hold grudges on others around us; they too are trying to live and experience life, some of their mistakes might end up to be wrong doings to us,  yet we have to learn to let them go.

One thing I have realised is that when we do not forgive someone, we are in their power; we are unable to find peace and resolve within our hearts and souls, as there is the element of grudge within us. That feeling that someone owes us for treating us badly, or in some way not treating us the way we feel we deserve to be treated. This is a heavy burden indeed, and in most cases the person we hold a grudge about either does not know it, or knowing it does not care!  Yet they still hold us prisoner, bound to them until we break free by forgiving them their transgressions, whatever they may be.

We judge based on the sum total of our experiences, and because every human being is different, that sum total is different. We prioritize or determine importance to something based on experience and hence for each person, priorities and importance to things varies as much as their experiences do.  Often you find that while we are busy holding grudges against them, they are oblivious to our pain, yet we are bound to them. The only way to set ourselves free and break the chain that binds us to that person is to forgive them. Truly forgive them, not just by saying it, we don’t even have to actually say it to them, we must forgive them deep in our soul for what we feel they have done to us, and in that process we fully release ourselves from the power they have over us.

Relax, Relate, Release:

Relax; take a deep breath, calm down, and stop taking yourself too seriously

Relate: understand what you are feeling and why?  Understand things from the other person’s perspective. Be objective and open-minded to all that you learn

Release: Let go of the pain, stop seeing yourself as a victim of someone else’s aggression and wrong doing. Forgive and let go!